Apology Language Quiz: What Is Your Apology Language? (Free, 15 Questions)

Which Apology Language Is Yours? Take the Quiz

Choose the one statement in each question that would make an apology feel most real to you. There are no wrong answers, and your first instinct is usually the most honest one.

What Are the 5 Apology Languages?

The five apology languages are five different ways an apology can feel sincere: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting and requesting forgiveness. They come from The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas (Northfield Publishing, 2006), which was later reissued as When Sorry Isn't Enough.

• Expressing Regret: saying sorry with real feeling for the pain you caused.
• Accepting Responsibility: admitting plainly what you did, without excuses.
• Making Restitution: doing something concrete to put things right.
• Genuinely Repenting: showing a real plan to change the behavior.
• Requesting Forgiveness: asking outright to be forgiven, and accepting the answer.

The authors argue that an apology can miss its mark when it is offered in a language the other person does not read. Someone who needs to hear "I was wrong" may not be moved by a gift, and someone who needs a repair may find a heartfelt "I'm sorry" empty. We treat this as a useful conversation tool, and this page does not claim it is a validated psychological test. Related reading: how to forgive yourself and journaling for forgiveness.

How Does This Apology Language Quiz Work?

You get 15 situations and five statements for each; you pick the one that would feel most like a real apology. Each statement maps to one of the five languages, and your two highest counts become your primary and secondary result.

Answer scale: forced choice, one answer per question, five options each, 15 answers in total. A language can score from 0 to 15, and the five scores add up to 15. If two languages tie, the quiz tells you so and you can treat both as primary. The options rotate position from question to question, so no language always sits in the same slot. Everything is scored in your browser, nothing is stored and no email is asked for.

Every question asks what makes an apology feel real to you as the person who was hurt. Most people also tend to apologize in the language they most want to receive, so your result is a good clue to how your own apologies land on others.

What Does Each Apology Language Result Mean?

Each result below includes what it sounds like, what hurts when it is missing, how to ask for it, three journal prompts and how to offer it. Your quiz result shows your top two in full; all five are listed here so you can read the profile of someone you care about.

Expressing Regret

You feel an apology is real when the other person shows they feel the hurt they caused.

What it sounds like: "I'm sorry I hurt you. I can see how much that stung, and I hate that I caused it." The words name the emotional impact, and the tone and face match them.

What hurts when it is missing: A correction, a fix or a list of reasons that skips the feeling. You may think, "They solved it, but I don't think they care." Rushed apologies feel like a way to close the topic.

How to ask for it: "Before we figure out what to do next, can you tell me how you feel about what happened?"

Three journal prompts:

1. When did someone last fix a problem with me without acknowledging how it felt, and what did I do with that feeling?
2. What words or tone would tell me an apology had reached the emotional part of me?
3. Where do I apologize quickly to end discomfort rather than to share it?

How to offer it to a partner or friend: Name the specific hurt in your own words, say how it sits with you, and let your tone match. Leave out "but". Stay in the feeling for a moment before moving to solutions.

Accepting Responsibility

You feel an apology is real when the other person says plainly what they did and owns it.

What it sounds like: "That was my doing. I chose it, and there is no excuse." The words describe the act, with no "if", no "but" and no blame sent back at you.

What hurts when it is missing: "Mistakes were made," "I'm sorry you feel that way" or an explanation of their intentions where ownership should be. You may feel brushed aside or even doubt your own memory.

How to ask for it: "Can you say, in your own words, what you did? I need to hear you own it before I can move on."

Three journal prompts:

1. Which past apology left me feeling blamed or confused, and what exactly was missing from it?
2. Where in my life do I explain my intentions before I own my impact?
3. What would a clean, one-sentence admission look like for something I need to own today?

How to offer it to a partner or friend: State the act in a single plain sentence before any explanation: "I did X, and it was wrong." Skip "if" and "but", and do not turn the conversation toward your own stress.

Making Restitution

You feel an apology is real when the other person acts to make things right.

What it sounds like: "I messed up your evening. Let me make it right: I'll redo it, cover the cost and handle the follow-up." Words come with a concrete gesture proportionate to the harm.

What hurts when it is missing: Sorry with nothing behind it. When there is a real cost and no repair, the apology can feel cheap, and you may keep a quiet tally of what is still owed.

How to ask for it: "Your words mean a lot to me, and so would one concrete thing that helps put this right. Can we agree on what that is?"

Three journal prompts:

1. What would make a hurt feel settled for me in practice, not only in words?
2. Do I find it hard to ask for repair because it feels like keeping score?
3. When I have harmed someone, what is the most proportionate repair I could offer this week?

How to offer it to a partner or friend: Ask, "What would make this right for you?" and listen to the answer. Offer a repair that fits the harm, and keep it separate from a gift meant to end the conversation.

Genuinely Repenting

You feel an apology is real when the other person shows a believable plan to change.

What it sounds like: "Here is what I'll do differently next time, and you can check with me in two weeks." The apology looks forward and names specific steps.

What hurts when it is missing: The same apology on repeat. If nothing changes, even warm words can start to feel hollow, and you may stop believing future promises.

How to ask for it: "What is one specific thing you will do differently, and can we check in on it next week?"

Three journal prompts:

1. Which pattern in my relationships keeps returning, and what is the smallest change that would interrupt it?
2. How many times have I accepted an apology without a plan, and what did that teach me?
3. What is one change I could commit to, with a date, where I have hurt someone?

How to offer it to a partner or friend: Pick one or two small, specific changes, put a date on them and invite a check-in. Then do them. The follow-through is the apology.

Requesting Forgiveness

You feel an apology is real when the other person asks for your forgiveness and lets you answer in your own time.

What it sounds like: "I hope you can forgive me, and I understand if you need time." The request is explicit, and the answer is left with you.

What hurts when it is missing: Being expected to move on without being asked. You may feel the other person assumes forgiveness or that the matter is closed because they said sorry.

How to ask for it: "I would like to be asked directly, and I would like you to be okay with 'not yet' as an answer."

Three journal prompts:

1. What does forgiveness mean to me, and what does it not require me to do?
2. When has a request for forgiveness felt like pressure, and when has it felt like respect?
3. What would I need in order to say yes to forgiveness, and what could I say if the answer is "not yet"?

How to offer it to a partner or friend: Ask plainly, then give the other person room. Do not make forgiveness a deadline or a debt. A "not yet" is an answer you can live with.

How Are Apology Languages Different From Love Languages?

Love languages describe how you feel cared for day to day; apology languages describe what makes repair feel real after a rupture. Both frameworks come from Gary Chapman's work, but they are separate sets of five, and your result in one does not predict your result in the other.

A person whose love language is quality time might still need accepting responsibility when they have been wronged, because what soothes ordinary closeness is not always what repairs a break. If you have not mapped your love language yet, take the love language quiz and compare the two results side by side. For how you bond under stress, the attachment style quiz and the communication style quiz add more context.

How Do You Use Your Apology Language in a Conflict?

Share your top two languages before you need them, ask for one specific thing, and offer the other person's language even when it is not yours. A calm moment is a better time for this than the middle of an argument.

1. Pick a calm moment. Agree on ground rules first. Our fair fighting rules give a simple structure.
2. Swap results. Tell each other your primary and secondary languages and one example of an apology that worked.
3. Ask for one thing. Use the "how to ask" line from your profile and keep it to a single request.
4. Offer theirs. Try the "how to offer it" step for the other person's language, even if it feels unnatural.
5. Check in a week later. Use the relationship check-in questions to see whether the change held.

If anger is running high, give it somewhere to go first with these anger journal prompts. If you notice you apologize automatically to keep the peace, the people pleaser quiz and the codependency quiz are worth a look. This page is not designed for relationships involving abuse. If that is your situation, in the US you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

What Should You Journal About After Your Result?

Journaling turns a label into something you can use: it shows where an apology landed, where it missed and what you want to ask for. Take ten minutes with any notebook or app and try these prompts.

1. Describe the last apology that truly worked for you. Which of the five languages did it use?
2. Describe the last apology that did not land. What was missing?
3. Which language do you offer most often? Does it match the one you most want to receive?
4. Who in your life might need a different language than the one you give them?
5. Is there an apology you owe someone? Write it first in their language, then in yours.
6. Is there an apology you are still waiting for? Write what you need to hear, in one sentence.

For more guided writing, see journaling for emotional regulation and the relationship journaling prompts. To work on your own self-view alongside your relationships, try the self-esteem test or the emotional intelligence test.

All 15 Questions (Text Version)

Answer scale: choose the one statement per question that would feel most like a real apology to you. Each statement belongs to one of the five languages. Your highest count is your primary language and the second highest is your secondary.

1. A coworker takes credit for your idea in a meeting. Which follow-up would settle you most?
   • They tell you they feel terrible about how that must have felt
   • They say, "That was your idea and I presented it as mine. I was wrong."
   • They correct the record with the team and name you as the source
   • They explain the habit behind it and the specific step they will take to stop
   • They ask if you can forgive them and then give you space to answer
2. A close friend cancels, last minute, on a plan you had been looking forward to for weeks. The apology that works best:
   • "I dropped the ball. I should have told you sooner and I have no excuse."
   • "Let me fix this. I will book a new date and I am paying for it."
   • "I'm changing how I handle my calendar so I stop overbooking us."
   • "I hope you can forgive me. Is there room for that?"
   • "I'm so sorry. I can tell how disappointing that was, and I feel awful."
3. Your partner misses a dinner that marked something important to you. What would make the apology feel real?
   • Watching them do something concrete to make up for the lost evening
   • A realistic plan for how this will not happen again
   • Being asked, directly, whether you are willing to forgive
   • Seeing that they feel the sting of it with you
   • Hearing them name exactly what they did, with no softening
4. A sibling repeats a joke at your expense after you asked them to stop. Which response would reach you?
   • "Next time I'll catch myself before I say it. Hold me to that."
   • "I was out of line. Can you forgive me?"
   • "I hate that I made you feel small."
   • "I knew you asked me not to, and I did it anyway. That was on me."
   • "I will tell the others it was out of line and that I started it."
5. After a loud argument, someone you love comes to find you. Which opening would make you trust the apology?
   • "I owe you an apology. Will you forgive me when you are ready?"
   • "I'm really sorry. I keep replaying how hurt you looked."
   • "I said things I chose to say. I own all of it."
   • "What would help put this right? I'll do it."
   • "I've thought about what sets me off, and here is how I'll handle it next time."
6. A colleague misses a deadline and your own work suffers. What would settle the matter for you?
   • A sincere "I'm sorry, I know this made your week harder"
   • A plain statement that the miss was theirs, not the system's
   • They stay late to help you recover the lost time
   • A clear new process so the delay does not repeat
   • A direct ask that you not hold it against them
7. A relative makes a cruel remark about a life choice you made. Which later conversation would help most?
   • They admit the comment was unfair and that they said it
   • They offer to publicly take it back in front of the family
   • They describe how they will talk about your choices from now on
   • They ask for your forgiveness and let you take your time
   • They show real sorrow that their words landed on a tender spot
8. Your partner forgets to pass on an important message and you miss out. Which fix matters most?
   • They step in to repair the damage with whoever was affected
   • A routine that keeps messages from slipping again
   • "Please forgive me for letting you down on this."
   • Hearing how bad they feel about the cost to you
   • "I forgot, and it was my job to remember."
9. A friend shares something you told them in confidence. Which repair would you take most seriously?
   • They spell out how they will treat your confidences from now on
   • They ask whether trust can be rebuilt and wait for your answer
   • They are visibly shaken by the harm and tell you so
   • They say, without excuses, that they broke your trust
   • They do whatever they can to contain the damage and fix it for you
10. Someone borrows something precious to you and breaks it. What would feel like a proper apology?
    • They tell you they are sorry and ask if you can forgive it
    • "I'm gutted. I know how much that meant to you."
    • "I was careless with it. That is my responsibility."
    • They replace it or pay to have it repaired
    • They explain how they will handle your things from now on
11. A friend has gone quiet after hurting you and finally reaches out. What would you most want the message to contain?
    • Honest sorrow for how the silence and the hurt felt
    • A clear statement of what they did wrong
    • An offer to do something concrete to repair the damage
    • What they have already begun doing differently
    • A request for forgiveness, with no pressure on the timing
12. You waited a week for an apology that never came. When it finally arrives, what do you need first?
    • To hear them call the behavior wrong without hedging
    • To see them act, not only talk
    • To hear a believable plan for the future
    • To be asked, out loud, for forgiveness
    • To hear they genuinely feel bad about your pain
13. Someone apologizes quickly, yet you still feel unsettled. What is most likely missing?
    • They never offered to put anything right
    • They never said what would change
    • They never asked if you were willing to forgive
    • They never seemed to feel the weight of it
    • They never said what they actually did
14. Think of an apology that truly healed something for you. What did the person do?
    • They changed their behavior afterward
    • They asked for forgiveness and respected your answer
    • They let you see how sorry they were
    • They owned the mistake completely
    • They made it up to you in a tangible way
15. When you picture being fully reconciled with someone, which moment marks it for you?
    • The moment forgiveness is asked for and given
    • The moment you both feel the hurt has been acknowledged with real feeling
    • The moment they say, plainly, "I was wrong"
    • The moment the damage has been made right
    • The moment you see the old pattern stop

Apology Language Quiz FAQ

Short answers to the questions people ask about the five apology languages and this quiz.

What are the five apology languages?

The five apology languages are Expressing Regret, Accepting Responsibility, Making Restitution, Genuinely Repenting and Requesting Forgiveness. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas proposed them in their 2006 book The Five Languages of Apology. The idea is that people differ in which kind of apology feels sincere.

How does this apology language quiz work?

You answer 15 situations by picking the one statement, out of five, that would make an apology feel most real to you. Each statement belongs to one language. The page counts your picks, shows your primary and secondary languages, and gives you a profile for each. Everything runs in your browser.

Is this the official apology language quiz from Chapman and Thomas?

No. This page is not affiliated with, endorsed by or licensed from Gary Chapman, Jennifer Thomas, 5 Love Languages or their publishers. The five languages come from their book, and every question and result text here is original. For their own assessment, use their official materials.

Can you have more than one apology language?

Yes. Many people show one strong language and a close second, and that is why this quiz reports both. Your needs can also shift with context: you may want regret from a partner and restitution from a coworker.

What if my partner's apology language is different from mine?

That is common and workable. Share your top two languages before the next conflict, ask each other for one concrete thing, and practice offering the other person's language even when yours is different. Our guides on fair fighting rules and relationship check-in questions give structure for those talks.

Is the quiz free and private?

Yes. It is free, needs no email or sign-up, and stores nothing. Your answers are scored in your browser and are not sent anywhere. It is a tool for reflection, not a clinical assessment, and not a substitute for support from a licensed professional.

Sources and Notes

• Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships, Northfield Publishing, 2006. Later reissued as When Sorry Isn't Enough.
• Jennifer Thomas, PhD, author site: drjenniferthomas.com.

Independence note: this quiz is not affiliated with, endorsed by or licensed from Gary Chapman, Jennifer Thomas, 5 Love Languages or their publishers. All questions and result text are original. It is for reflection and conversation, not a clinical assessment, diagnosis or therapy. If a relationship is causing you distress, consider speaking with a licensed professional.