Grief Journal: How to Start, What to Write & Why It Heals

What Is a Grief Journal?

A grief journal is a private, unstructured space where you write about your experience of loss. Unlike a diary that records daily events, a grief journal focuses specifically on the emotions, memories, questions, and shifts that come with grieving.

It can take many forms: freewriting about how you feel today, writing a letter to the person you lost, describing a memory you're afraid of forgetting, or answering prompts designed to help you process specific emotions. There's no right way to do it, and there's no audience. It's for you.

What makes a grief journal different from general journaling is the focus. You're not trying to be productive, set goals, or track habits. You're giving grief a place to exist on the page instead of only in your body.

The Science Behind Grief Journaling

Grief journaling isn't just cathartic — it's one of the most studied forms of therapeutic writing. Here's what the research says:

The key insight across these studies: it's not just writing that helps — it's writing with emotional depth and eventually finding meaning in the experience. Surface-level recounting ("Today was hard") doesn't produce the same benefits as writing that explores the why, the what-if, and the what-now.

What Happens in Your Brain When You Write About Loss

Understanding the neuroscience of grief journaling explains why it works — and why it sometimes feels worse before it feels better.

When you experience a loss, your brain's default mode network (DMN) — the system responsible for self-referential thinking — goes into overdrive. You replay memories, imagine alternative outcomes, and loop through "what if" scenarios. This is normal. It's your brain trying to update its internal model of reality to account for someone's absence.

Writing engages your prefrontal cortex — the part responsible for language, reasoning, and emotional regulation. When you put grief into words, you're essentially translating raw emotional data (stored in the amygdala and limbic system) into structured narrative (processed by the prefrontal cortex). This translation is itself therapeutic.

Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman's research at UCLA found that labeling emotions reduces amygdala activity — the brain region responsible for fight-or-flight responses. When you write "I feel angry at the universe" instead of just sitting with a vague, overwhelming feeling, your brain literally calms down. Lieberman called this "affect labeling," and it works even when you don't believe it will.

There's also the reconsolidation window. Each time you recall a memory and write about it, your brain re-stores that memory in a slightly different form. Over time, grief journaling doesn't erase the pain — but it gradually integrates the loss into your broader life narrative, so the memory triggers less acute distress when it surfaces unexpectedly.

This explains a common experience among grief journalers: the first few entries often feel terrible, but over weeks, the quality of the pain changes. It shifts from sharp and disorganizing to deep but manageable. You're not "getting over it" — your brain is learning to hold it differently.

How to Start a Grief Journal

Starting is the hardest part. Here's what actually works, based on both research and the experience of thousands of grief journalers:

1. Lower the bar dramatically

You don't need a beautiful notebook, a quiet hour, or the right words. You need a pen and three minutes. Or a phone and one sentence. The grief journal that gets used is better than the beautiful one that stays empty.

2. Start with what's true right now

You don't have to start at the beginning. You don't have to explain the loss. Just write what is true for you in this moment: "I'm angry and I don't know at who." "I forgot for ten seconds this morning and then I remembered." "The house is too quiet."

3. Use prompts when the blank page feels impossible

Many people stare at an empty page and feel the grief become bigger, not smaller. That's normal. Guided prompts give you a direction without forcing a destination. Research by Stockton et al. (2013) found that prompted writing produced deeper emotional processing than freewriting for people in grief.

4. Don't edit, don't judge, don't perform

This is not for anyone else. You don't need complete sentences. You don't need to be fair or balanced or wise. You need to be honest. Messy honesty is the point.

5. Write to the person if you want to

Some of the most powerful grief journal entries are letters. "Dear Mom, today I made your recipe and burned it and cried in the kitchen." The research on continuing bonds (Klass & Steffen, 2012) shows that maintaining a written connection to the deceased supports healthy adjustment.

7 Grief Journaling Methods

There's no single way to grief journal. Different methods work for different people — and the same person may need different approaches at different stages. Here are seven methods, from most structured to most open:

1. Prompt-Based Journaling

Answer a specific question each session. Best for people who feel paralyzed by a blank page. Research by Stockton et al. (2013) found that guided prompts produced deeper emotional processing than freewriting for people in grief. See the 30 prompts organized by type of loss below.

2. Letter Writing

Write letters to the person you lost. Tell them about your day, what you wish you'd said, what's happening in the family. The continuing bonds framework (Klass & Steffen, 2012) suggests this isn't denial — it's a healthy way to maintain connection while acknowledging the reality of loss.

3. Dialogue Journaling

Write a two-way conversation. You write your part, then write what you imagine the deceased would say back. This technique, used in Gestalt therapy, helps externalize the internalized relationship and can surface insights you didn't know you had.

4. Memory Capture

Dedicate each entry to a single memory. Describe it in full sensory detail: what you saw, heard, smelled, felt. This serves double duty — it processes grief AND preserves memories that might otherwise fade. Many grief journalers say this becomes their most treasured practice.

5. Stream of Consciousness

Set a timer for 15 minutes and write whatever comes. Don't stop, don't edit, don't censor. If you run out of things to say, write "I don't know what to say" until something comes. This is closest to Pennebaker's original expressive writing protocol and is effective for people who intellectualize their grief.

6. Gratitude Alongside Grief

Not toxic positivity — rather, holding both at once. "I am devastated that she's gone AND I am grateful for the 30 years we had." Research on meaning-making (Lichtenthal et al., 2010) found that bereaved individuals who could hold gratitude alongside grief showed fewer complicated grief symptoms. This method works best after the acute phase — don't force it in the first weeks.

7. Visual and Mixed-Media

Not everyone processes grief through words. Some people draw, paste photos, create collages, or simply doodle while listening to music that reminds them of the person. A grief journal doesn't have to contain a single written word to be effective.

Grief Journal Prompts by Type of Loss

Grief isn't one thing. Losing a parent feels different from losing a pet, which feels different from losing a marriage. Here are prompts organized by the type of loss you're carrying. For an expanded collection, see our 20 neuroscience-backed grief journal prompts.

Death of a Loved One

1. What do you wish you had said? Write it now.
2. Describe a moment with them that no one else witnessed.
3. What habit of theirs have you caught yourself doing?
4. Write about a time they surprised you.
5. What would they say to you if they could see you right now?

Pet Loss

1. Describe your favorite routine with them — the one you miss most.
2. What did they teach you about being present?
3. Write about the moment you knew they chose you.
4. What does the space they left feel like?
5. What would you want someone to understand about this grief?

Divorce or Relationship Loss

1. What version of yourself are you mourning?
2. Write about a moment when you felt most loved in that relationship.
3. What do you know now that you didn't know then?
4. What are you relieved about? (It's okay to feel relief and grief together.)
5. What do you want your next relationship to feel like?

Anticipatory Grief (Awaiting a Loss)

1. What are you most afraid of?
2. What do you want them to know while they're still here?
3. Describe today — the ordinary details you want to remember.
4. What question do you want to ask them before you can't?
5. How is the waiting changing you?

Miscarriage or Infant Loss

1. Write to the child. Tell them what you imagined for them.
2. What does the silence feel like in the room you prepared?
3. What did people say that hurt? What did people say that helped?
4. What does your body remember?
5. What name did you carry in your heart?

Job Loss or Identity Loss

1. Who were you in that role? Who are you without it?
2. What part of the loss is about money, and what part is about meaning?
3. What did you learn about yourself in that environment?
4. What permission are you giving yourself now that you didn't have before?
5. Describe the future you're afraid of. Now describe one you're curious about.

A 4-Week Grief Journaling Framework

If you want structure, here's a gentle framework. Skip any week that doesn't feel right. Come back to it later. Grief isn't linear and neither is this.

This framework is loosely based on Pennebaker's 4-day expressive writing protocol, expanded for ongoing grief work. The key principle: move gradually from description to emotion to meaning.

How Your Grief Journal Changes Over Time

One thing no competitor article tells you: a grief journal at month 1 looks nothing like a grief journal at month 12. Understanding this progression helps you stay with the practice when it feels like nothing is changing.

The First Month: Raw Expression

Entries are often short, repetitive, and raw. You may write the same thing multiple times — "I can't believe they're gone" or "This isn't real." That's not a sign you're stuck. It's your brain processing the reality of the loss in layers. Each repetition integrates the truth a little deeper.

Months 2-6: Widening Awareness

You start noticing things beyond the immediate pain: how the loss is changing your relationships, your identity, your daily rhythms. Entries get longer and more reflective. You may start writing about anger, guilt, or relief — the "secondary emotions" that surface once the initial shock fades. This is often when people most want to quit journaling, because these emotions feel harder to justify. Keep writing.

Months 6-12: Meaning-Making

You begin to write about what you're learning, not just what you're feeling. "I think I understand now why she was so insistent about family dinners." "He taught me that strength isn't about not crying." This meaning-making phase is where Lichtenthal's research shows the most significant reduction in complicated grief symptoms.

Year 2 and Beyond: Integration

The journal becomes less about grief and more about life — a life that includes the loss but isn't defined by it. Many people find they no longer need a dedicated grief journal at this stage, but they continue journaling because the practice itself has become valuable. The grief journal becomes just... a journal.

What a Grief Journal Entry Actually Looks Like

One reason people don't start a grief journal is that they imagine they need to write something profound. Here's what real grief journal entries look like — messy, honest, and unfinished:

Notice: none of these are polished. None of them reach a neat conclusion. That's the point. A grief journal is a place for process, not product.

Common Mistakes in Grief Journaling (And How to Avoid Them)

Grief journaling is hard to do "wrong," but there are patterns that can make the practice less helpful or even counterproductive:

Forcing positivity too early

"Write three things you're grateful for" is well-intentioned advice that can backfire in acute grief. Gratitude practice works best after the initial intensity fades — usually months, not days. In the early stages, the journal should hold whatever is true, including rage, despair, and irrational thoughts.

Writing only about facts, never emotions

A grief journal that reads like a news report — "The funeral was Tuesday. 47 people came. The flowers were white." — misses the therapeutic mechanism. Pennebaker's research specifically found that emotional disclosure, not factual recounting, drives the health benefits. Push yourself to write what you felt, not just what happened.

Comparing your grief timeline to others

If your journal becomes a place where you judge yourself — "It's been six months, I should be over this" — it's doing harm. There is no timeline. Grief researcher George Bonanno found that individual grief trajectories are far more variable than any stage model suggests. Your journal should reflect your process, not anyone else's expectation of it.

Never re-reading

Writing is processing. But re-reading is where integration happens. Going back to entries from weeks or months ago lets you see your own movement — the shifts you can't perceive day-to-day. Schedule a re-reading session once a month. You'll be surprised by how much has changed.

Using the journal as the only support

A grief journal is a tool, not a therapist. If you're journaling but never talking to anyone — friend, counselor, support group — you may be processing in isolation. The most effective grief recovery combines self-reflection (journaling) with social connection (talking). They complement each other.

Using AI as a Grief Journaling Companion

One challenge with grief journaling is that a blank page can feel isolating — especially when the people around you have moved on but you haven't. This is where AI-assisted journaling can help.

Life Note is an AI journaling app trained on the actual writings of over 1,000 historical mentors, including thinkers who wrote deeply about loss: Viktor Frankl (who found meaning in suffering), Seneca (who wrote some of history's most honest letters about grief), and C.S. Lewis (whose A Grief Observed remains one of the most raw accounts of bereavement ever published).

Instead of generic prompts, Life Note responds to your writing with perspective drawn from real human wisdom — not internet summaries. It's not a replacement for therapy, but it's a companion for the 2 AM moments when you need to write and don't want to burden a friend.

When Journaling Isn't Enough

A grief journal is a powerful tool, but it has limits. Consider seeking professional support if:

• You've been unable to function in daily life for more than a few weeks
• Writing about the loss consistently makes you feel worse, not eventually lighter
• You're having thoughts of self-harm
• You feel completely numb — not sad, not angry, just nothing
• Substance use has increased significantly since the loss
• You're experiencing intrusive images or flashbacks

Grief is not a problem to solve. But complicated grief — when the natural process gets stuck — benefits from professional guidance. If you're unsure where to start, our guide to AI therapy apps can help you find affordable, accessible support.

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should a grief journal entry be?

There's no minimum. Some entries will be a single sentence ("I miss you"). Others will fill pages. James Pennebaker's research used 15-minute sessions, which is a good starting point, but even 3 minutes is valuable.

Is it better to handwrite or type a grief journal?

Both work. Research shows comparable emotional processing benefits for handwriting and typing. Choose whichever feels more natural. Some people prefer handwriting for emotional entries and typing when they want to write faster. Digital tools like guided journaling apps can add structure when you need it.

What if writing about grief makes me feel worse?

It's normal to feel temporarily worse after a deep entry — Pennebaker's studies found that participants often felt sad immediately after writing but reported improved wellbeing within days. However, if journaling consistently increases distress over multiple weeks, consider working with a grief counselor.

How is a grief journal different from regular journaling?

A regular journal might cover your day, your goals, or your reflections on life. A grief journal is specifically dedicated to processing a loss. You can keep both — many people find it helpful to have a separate space where grief doesn't have to compete with grocery lists.

Can I share my grief journal entries with others?

That's entirely up to you. Some people find that sharing specific entries with a therapist, support group, or trusted friend deepens the healing. Others need the journal to remain completely private. Both approaches are valid.